Sophia Sassoon

Thoughts on feeling hurt - space and emptiness - love and letting go

For some reason I always see the good in people, whether it be a friend or a stranger or someone I’ve just met. Never do I look to find fault or judge. I seek the goodness that we all have in our hearts and communicate with knowing that each of us is the same, we’re all on this earth for the same reason. Recently In the past few days I was let down and disappointed, even a little hurt. The funny thing is I’ll never show it or tell that person/person’s. I’ll give them love and my advice. I’ll write to them when I feel they need me, I’ll let them know there always in my mind and heart. But never can I tell them how there actions caused me the type of pain that sits quietly in the corner. It doesn’t scream, nor shout, nor ache. It just sits and waits building up silently.

Until there’s that, one day when suddenly out of nothing it arrives. First it is a pain in the chest then it spreads around the torso and then into nothingness. I wondered how to overcome this empty space inside myself that is now like a regular. Within me the void of empty gave me a sign. Enjoy the Space. Sometimes, in order to, be. Be your self, be true, to be in life, not just watching life. We need this ‘space’, space from others, and space from ourselves. Creating that space is not always easy but it allows the noise of the friend’s family’s and world to soften and quiet. The chatter that constantly flows through our minds becomes still and comforting.

I found what helps the most. Is to embrace any emotion you feel and be with it. Don’t fight it. Sit with it let it permeate, dance, run around inside you, until its tired and wears itself out then you feel the empty or numbness. In Buddhism emptiness it is called the Sunyata. I used to hate that feeling but I realized it’s a place where quiet and peace come together in harmony you become one with yourself. Meditating to release emotions or let them flow freely through you is the purest way your heart can tell you how you really feel. Whether it’s about a friend, a lover or a making a decision.

I did it the other day for something important as I needed an answer and it came to me that morning whilst I closed my eyes and became an open vessel, tears rolling off my cheeks My heart spoke to me, for the first time I really listened and my mind stop being in competition to, I didn’t try block it. I finally accepted. Accepting that what happens in life always happens for a reason (which I believe-even when I ignore it). Showed me that no matter what path we take, what emotion someone evoked at that precise moment we were supposed to feel that. Perhaps it showed me something that was bothering me way before I was let down.

 A keynote though, is never to rely on anyone else. At the end of the day you are the ruler of your own universe, we are all connected but we are also on our own journeys. No matter what path you choose, what person you love, however you feel right now, it was written in the stars that way before you realized it and now you get to write the rest.

 Each time I meditate I get closer to my soul and the soul of the earth. I feel so much at times, that when I to go to a quiet space, making space from others I can finally settle and be still and calm.  

I now know that giving out so much love is just a trait I guess will never leave me, no matter how hurt I’ve been. If you can live in love then no matter why the person let you down they’ll know what they did, and for me that’s enough. If they can learn something too and be a better person then my hurt was worth their new findings. If they never know, well that’s my fault for not saying but I like the notion of letting go and moving forward.

Re-energizing the soul with space, with thoughts of empty with new chi. x